Dear Little Brother,

Ethan Silva-Netto, little brother, I dedicate Dear Wildflower, to you. Only 19 years old and gone to be home in heaven. You have fought the great fight of depression and had not only proved to your family and friends how well you can overcome the struggles of the dark days of depression and anxiety but most importantly you proved it to yourself. You showed great inner strength to overcome every time you just thought that one moment was “the” moment. You showed great success through your inpatient therapy program and hey, you even graduated high school and got amazing grades your first year of college. You found your enjoyment and therapy working in the garden and in the yard. You got your first job and even began to drive yourself around more. You did great brother, and I am so proud of you. I know the days that you had were dark, scary, and lonely. But you found yourself to climb out of it multiple times. It is just a bummer that you are gone, a lot of us would love to see the continuation of your great successes. But we also know that you are finally at peace, and you have done so much for yourself.

You have impacted so many people along the way. Since you’ve been gone, I have learned that you went towards the masses. You impacted so many people that had different struggles, different backgrounds. Though you struggled, you put your struggles to the side to be there for others. That is one quality that not many can adopt. Ethan, since you’ve been gone, my perspective on my own mental health has taken a new route. I find myself to be in sticky situations lately, but I’ve realized it first and squashed it before I find myself falling back into a dark hole. Though you have been gone, you inspired me to be stronger, to tough out the bad days better, and to remember my purpose. You helped me stop the negative self-talk that can cause a rabbit hole of doubt. Though I feel weak, remembering your strength and you in general helps me get up in the morning. Remembering that I have specific responsibilities to people and a purpose for the future.

Ethan, you are giving me the strength to not give up.

Though there are times when I always start saying “I wish”, an heirloom of regret, and I try hard not to get into that mentality, but hey, completely vulnerable and unmasked here. So, I wish I was a better sister to you. Honestly, I was right there, literally. My room was right across the hall from you. I would bump into you in the hallway, the kitchen, and even leaving the house as you’re doing your thing outside. But I never checked in with you. Even after all those times of you going through therapy and the close calls of losing you, I didn’t ask you once, “how are you doing?” I didn’t sit down with you and admit to you the mental struggles that I was going through. If only if we had those real talks, would things be different? Would you feel as though you weren’t as alone? I don’t know now. And for that I am sorry. I understood what you were feeling, the numbness, the lack of motivation the thoughts of hopelessness, feeling worthless, and lonely. I know little brother. I know exactly how that feels. I’m sorry I never shared that with you. I wish I could take what you were feeling and just put it on my shoulders. Not saying that I was stronger, but I just wanted you to be genuinely happy and joyful. Now that you are gone, I have also learned your great love for God. You placed your hope and faith in Him in which helped you along the way. Yes, we all may stray away, but you knew to run right into our Abba’s arms instead of turning your back away from Him. Ethan, little bother, you did good. You loved well, you fought well, and I am so proud of everything that you accomplished. Ethan you are greatly missed by so many people. I thank you for your life. Thank you for being you. Here’s to you Ethan.